Oh gosh, where do I begin? New years of 2009-2010. You were upset with me, yet you held me tight and we had our first kiss. I knew I loved you that very moment. Saturday September 18 2010, We had a campfire at Kylee's house. I tried to get a picture of you, in your stubbornness you pulled me down so I was sitting on your lap, you held my waist and kissed my cheek. That moment I was reminded how much I loved you. Then drama came around and you were there every second. Maddie Mecum and my great uncle died. You always held me when I needed it most with out knowing. You knew my every need and make it happen. remember that January night at Maddy Lant's house. you slapped my butt so hard it bruised, then you slow danced with me when the night was ending? that night is one of my favorite memories. I could go on forever but there is no point, Because in all those memories it just establishes that I love you, but on May 7th, 2011, the only thing that was more impossible from leaving, was staying.
Now I dont regret any second spent with you. I went through some rough times and acted like a physco-path, yet you stayed by my side, I dont know how you did it, but your amazing for it. Now if you do anything more for me, let it be this, please dont get angry with this note, just try to understand my side.
'J' you hurt me. I believe the only person Ive cried more about is Madison Mecum, but she died. So now, I stand under the weight of you words, paralyzed by what you said and how it hurt. But everything you said is the truth, I was too scared to admit them to myself. And sometimes you forgive people simply because you want them in your life. I forgive you for everything. You taught me so much, so infact, thank you.
I may just be an over hormonal and emotional teenage girl, but on 7-25-11, when we had our "bonus night" I really thought it would become something, but I'm convinced all it was t you was simply a bonus night. You knew i gave you my whole heart a while back, and truth is I havent gotten in back. So you knew I'd be willing. After that night I was probably at the lowest point in my life yet. My Best Friend went to the hospital and my other supposedly best friend was upset with me that people found out. Since 7-25 I havent felt close to you. at all. I feel like we are hardly acquaintances. I asked you to name my dragon pillow pet on my birthday since you promised you would when I got one a few months earlier, as silly as it sounds you will never know how bad it hurt me that you didnt care at all. 'J' I cried a little about it. I felt like my best friend didnt care about me.
So this is me returning what I have that holds the most memories of you, because until YOUR ready to have me be YOUR best friend, these belong to you. Ive tried. But I took a leap into the ocean and you were no where to be found to save me.
I dont write this to make you mad or feel guilty, I write this to give you time. and I promise, when your ready, Ill be here waiting.
"I watched you sleepin' quitely in my bed, you dont know this now but there's some things that need to be said. Its all that I can hear. Its more than I can bare.
What If i fall, and hurt myself. Would you know how to fix me? what if i went and lost myself. Would you know where to find me? If i forgot, who I am, please remind me. 'Cause without you things go hazy."
I love you. and Always will.
Today, I gave back 3 scrapbook pages that were all about him, and sweats and a hoodie i had of his. Dear Highschool. Im ready to be drama free (: Never been so relieved!
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