When your fifteen and somebody tells you they love you.... Your going to believe them.

Let me apologize that the first of this post, I am not a Taylor Swift fan, and I cant believe I titled this post one  of her songs. But it was necessary.

So I'm in that awkward stage. The teenage growing up phase. You know.. And I'm learning new things every day. One thing I have seriously learned is, stay away from boys. You dont need a boyfriend. I promise.


This post is titled "When your fifteen and somebody tells you they love you.... Your going to believe them" because I am currently dealing with a broken heart. In this post when I say the term love use it lightly, Im aware I am wayy to young to know what love is..



So there is this boy right? I will just name him J again like I did in a prior post. But this boy, he is my best friend. He sure knows how to sweet talk, and ohh boy can he make me feel special. Ohh and this boy he listens to all of my problems too, he even gives good advice, and deals with my constant imperfection findings. He is a good guy. This boy and I had a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship for a long time. We even kissed(gasp!). He taught me a lot about my self, and he could always make me happy. Well all good things end right? We broke up. although we broke up we were on good terms. We were still best friends and talked all the time. I was okay with this just best friend relationship. I thought I was over him. Then "J" started liking someone else (refer to this post) Well I quickly learned I was not over him. But I put on a brave face, and I sure acted like I was. I would get asked all the time "What do you think of J and {girl}?" or "Does J and {girl} bother you?" I would lie and say "ohh they are so good for each other. they really bring out the good in the other one. I am happy for them." Well hi, Im a bloody liar. I would go home and cry and cry in my bed time prayers. I would take a bubble bath and sob. I would listen to sad songs or watch sad movies so I knew this happened to others. So, I have this thing about asking permission to make personal posts. So I asked J if I could make an anonymous post, J said yes, and read it.Then J texted me and asked to talk. And there we go with the sweet talk and the making me feel good that I once fell for before. I was asked to give one more chance. I personally believe in forgiving and giving many chances, because everyone makes mistakes. This gets the best of me, often. I gave J another chance. we had a day fling and decided we didn't want to go though it again. Now I sit here heart broken yet again. I got to the point a few times where I wanted to give him everything I owned of his or with him apart of it. And a little note saying "I still want to hold you, and kiss you for hours, but re count all the countless tears I lost for you. And I promise starting now, I wont ever feel the same. And starting now. I wont remember your name." But I know that wouldn't be right. No matter what, J is my best friend, and I couldn't cope with out J. But now, I'm not heart broken that I'm not with J, but I'm heart broken because I was so vulnerable to believe we could work out again. Or so vulnerable to believe he really wanted to be with me again. But, when your fifteen and somebody tells you they love you, your going to believe them.
and thats the biggest mistake.
thats why tonight, ive cried for the last time.

Dear J: I don't love you... But I always will..

{and yes I realize I'm way too young for this.. all of it. but you've gotta grow up at some point. I just chose to, way too early.}