lets get crazy

This weekend was a crazy one. Madi and I wrote down a list of things we were going to do, on this weekend, and we just kept adding. It was more of a "write down the first thing that comes to your mind" kind of thing. Anyway, we achieved most of it! it was really fun. we dressed up in OLD dance costumes that were wayy too small, and scared people with my chucky pillow case. lets face it. we are cooler than you and your friends!

We all need a friend.

 

(related to this post.)

I try real hard to always be the person that is there for people, even when they are leaving me, or not being there for me. I do that because I know they will need me one day. {Example: when your best friend gets a boy friend and ditches all her friends. you know when they break up she will thank you for never leaving her side} But in this, {like i said in prior posts} i get walked all over. and I end up the one loosing. I am trying so hard for friendships - that Im not quite sure if they are even still there, but I know one day they will be thankful that I was always here for those two a.m. crying phone calls.

I used to be the person you called at 10 at night, and we had phone calls until 1 in the morning. but I'm not anymore, and Ive lost almost all of my close friends for that. so why dont you give me the time of day anymore, or even acknowledge when we are passing each other down the halls between classes? Ive always got your back, because that is "homie status" but at what point will you have mine too? because, i mean, you did promise after all..

I wanna dance with somebody.

Im having serious dance withdrawls. And its only been 5 days since I last danced. Since im getting surgery in a week. My parents and i decided just not to do dance in February. and let me tell ya. its been hard. Ive been working out like crazy, and doing zumba or yoga videos. Ive been dancing in my room, but its just not the same. i want to feel sweat drip down my face and have the satisfying feeling of "I couldnt have worked any harder in that last class." Wednesday the 25th of January, was the best day of dance. (well that entire week was, but none the less) I gave all I had and couldnt put in any more effort if I wanted to. And now im just wanting that back. Someone tell me how im supposed to last the next 4-6 months with out my studio, and those marly/wood floors? How am i not supposed to hear my favorite sound of sticky ballet shoes for so long? ive been watching youtube videos for hours each day. its official. im having dance withdrawls. and i dont know how to fix it...

I wish i could go back to ^ now..

cheers darlin'

How do you keep your feet on the ground when you were born to fly?

Hope you all had a great day :)

Its all about love

Alright readers.
This is an extremely personal post, with information, that I probably shouldn't share in it. maybe ill end up deleting the post later? who knows. but for now, it must be said.

I have been dealing with depression. mild or severe - I'm not quite sure to be honest, none the less, depression. and I know exactly why as well. Interesting right, considering most of the time people don't, but mine was a certain event. Ive been to therapy, talked to an AMAZING shrink -- but still I was depressed.

You ask why I share this? Well today in ballet, (my second to last day might I add, before my surgery) we didnt have ballet class, we had more or less, therapy. Connie - my teacher told us about how she struggled with loving herself, she was always depressed - her husband would ask why and reassure her that she is the most amazing woman ever, but she just couldnt believe it, simply because she isnt perfect. I am that way. I try so hard - and strive for perfection. when truth is, we all ARE perfect, right now. How? because we are at the PERFECT place, to try to be like, and get close to our father in heaven. My depression (along with Connies - when she was) deals with love of myself, and others. I don't always feel like I deserve the love I get. Sounds silly right? But honestly, sometimes I will get a nice text or something simple like that and I will end up crying because I dont feel I deserve it. I feel I need to give more to other, when in reality - I am constantly trying to give more. I dont love myself. I am so hard on myself, its part of the trying to be perfect, as well as not ever thinking im good enough. I see so many people that are better at being charitable than I, or reading their scriptures, or just all around a good person. I judge myself. Judging creates hatred, hatred leaves no room to love, no love leaves you feeling down, irritable, and depressed. You know how people say "If you dont have confidence Fake it It will eventually become true." You think with how much I work out, the compliments I get on my body - that I would love it, but truth is, I dont, so I fake  confidence. Ive faked it for about a year now. When is it going to become true? It becomes true right now. because at this moment, and at the moment Connie was talking to us, I decided to Love myself. because how could anyone else love me, if I dont? And Imagine how upset Father gets when we get frustrated, and dont love ourselves. Eliminate the judging, and we can create love.
John 13:34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."

 (and why not tie this into my new years resolution - take 20 seconds of insane courage and be nice to someone who has judged you)

Ice Princess.

Remember that movie? ohh its grand.

I went Ice Skating recently. I love it. I pretend im a good ice skater and can do tricks, like jumps, turns and what not. I went with my cousins Tawni, Amy, and Cheney. Afterwards we went to village in and ate some yummy's :)

pretending to be good.

Tawn, Amy and I

tawni being an ice princess.

I was singing "grab somebody sexy, tell 'em HEY"

amy and I dancing

Tawn and amy

Cheney and Amy

being a spaz.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What are your favorite winter activities?

We will love again...Just not each other

Dear William Fitzsimmons.
 I have a MAD love for you..
Your talent is unreal.
it makes me ask one question,

Why are you not more famous?

Well heeyy

Well the term just ended. Hallelujah. I was about to go insane. I still might. (I mean all A's and one Aminus...)

A month from yesterday my spine will  be straight.
all my friends are going to preference. i kinda sorta really wish i could go.
the Lucky One is a freaking good book. in  the mists of reading it. :)
Just spent wayyyyy too many hours learning a new ballet number.. that i WONT even be in. 
Foam rollers save my life.
this post is outrageously scatterbrained.
If someone wants to buy me this swimsuit, I will allow it. its even on clearance.
Why am I not in mexico right now?
How To Train Your Dragon  is possibly the best movie ever. Glibert (my dragon pillow pet) would agree.
I soooo deeply need to clean out my closet.
Speaking of cleaning - im going to clean my room.

HAPPY SATURDAY!

Tell everyone you love them.

today was a sad day for my school. A sweet boy took his own life.

RIP Jeremy Peterson.

Help

How many times do you have to turn the other cheek until its enough?
When can you say " I need to do this for me " with out being selfish?

I try so hard to be nice, and do things for others.

but then im the one getting walked all over--

instead of just helping.

simply because i fear of being mean. or loosing a friend.

but im the only one being the friend sometimes.

So any of you have any thoughts? 

{sorry im really emotional right now. we can thank our dear girl friend, Period for that one.}